Things that go 'Ai,Ai,Ai' in the night

'why are you doing this?' 'Ai Ai Ai' 'Aaargh!' I've never been to the Amazon jungle in the middle of the night but apparently the pitch darkness is punctured with loud shrieks , yelps and screams. Over the last 10 nights I have been attempting to sleep overnight in a London hospital and the noise and sounds generated by a diverse group on ward is exactly how I imagine the jungle to sound. The difference being a bit more low level lighting! I have one ward mate, who for the sake of this blog I will call Wilomena. Wilomena is 92 years old and is like a nocturnal bird of paradise. I use the Bird of paradise analogy as her shrieks are Sharp, loud and frequent although she stops to preen any time a male nurse or doctor comes within 1 metre of her bed. The most interesting thing about Wilomena, other than the fact she flirts with any man, is that she makes her loudest screams at night. As soon ss lights go out the wailing and yelping begin. Please do not worry that she is in pain, she is being well attended to, it just appears it has become her habit to have this ritual each night. Other common and unwelcome sounds on ward at night include farting ( I join in this one to remain part of the pack) , snoring in all octaves, puking and the the soft distant noise of staff chatting and laughing. One thing I know about hospital stays that I didn't before my March head popping anneurism, is that while you may leave healthier than when you arrived you always leave more tired.